It's Still On

"I have this really young grilfriend and she's into more wild stuff than I am."

That was what this patient prefaced his story with everytime he had to explain his unfortunate situation. Apparently, someone was using a battery operated dildo on him, and well, it got lost (up there). The remarkable part was actually his abdominal exam. I could feel it vibrating through his belly. I told him "It's still on." He agreed. As far as the rectal exam, it was way too high up to get that way.

I called the general surgeon, who heavily sedated him and still could not safely pull it out. The patient had to get a operation to get it removed. I told the surgeon that he should take out the patient's appendix while he was in there, that way if anybody asked about his scar or missed work time he could say "Oh, I had my appendix removed."